Control and Absence

Control and Absence

The thing most difficult to accept is indeed the thing which we have no power of decision over. Nothing is guaranteed; what our hearts set upon is just a figment in the realm of possibility. It is often about recalling a former life, an ideal, the way things should have been. We demand results because that is what we are judged by, therefore the conclusions must be poignant, they must speak instead of silently fading off. It is not about progress, but about quality, a set standard, something we must hold ourselves and everyone around us to. We think of it as a gift, an expectation, a dream that becomes a full blown choice. 

The quiet hours are filled with intention, the busy hours with longing. The great inhibition is that we cannot come to terms with our interests not being at the center, not giving life, not changing what we think needs change. This is what it is all about, being at odds with the world, knowing that the elements with which we are made up provide no solace; knowing that when we look up to the sky, or when we interact in society, we are merely sipping through a straw the most malleable parts. The rest, the real movement, is something we cannot breathe into, something we cannot dredge up; it is the split second between profound sleep and waking; it is the non-doing of our choice-making. Perhaps then the reflections of our own idleness and our own stupor are the real glimmers of poetry, but we do not get to decide this.

Douglas Thornton